Sometimes life changes....roll with it!!

I raised 4 kids pretty much single handed. I was very lucky to have a good paying job....and we never really wanted for much. The kids grew up, I remarried buying a farm in the country to raise cattle....which had been a dream of mine for quite some time.

Originally the farm was quite a bit of work. We bought raw land getting a better deal...but basically it meant a lot of sweat equity. There was nothing on this land except coastal hay. It was beautiful though with green pastures and a nice creek running through it. In the evening you could sit and listen to it run as you unwound from a long day.

First we built the fences, then the cross fences. After that a couple of storage bldgs., a well house to protect the well we had dug, had a stock tank dug, a septic put in, lean-2's for the cows, and a large corral. It was never ending work. But I loved it, and things begin to take shape. After about 8 months of working on it we decided to build our house later due to how expensive this project had become and begin shopping for a mobil home as a temp. residence. We found a triple wide mobil home at a great price and bought it. We moved in couple months later. 

I will never forget how excited we were finally getting to move out to the land. It was awesome! Things were moving along at a rapid pace till the unexpected happened....I got hurt.

I was making dinner one day, frying hamburgers in the kitchen. Hurrying along as we often do so we can relax from a busy day. Suddenly I slipped in some greese that had splattered on the floor falling. I fell so hard I bounced! Now mind you I was in excellent shape. Worked out several times a week, worked a very physically demanding job in the mail service, and then came home and worked on the farm. I was in my mid 40's and in better shape than most 20 year olds these days.

When I fell I immediatly knew something was very wrong. Having never really been "hurt" I assumed it would go away and heal. The next few days I was having great difficulity walking and hurt something awful..but it still never occurred to me to go to the doctor for some reason.

On day 3 I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. After returning I climbed into bed and heard this loud pop. I literally felt the bones in my pelvis move, scrape each other and then snap!! At first I was afraid to move, thinking to myself...'oh my God, I really did hurt myself". Eventually I got up the courage to try to get out of bed and check things out. When I did I found I could walk and move with no problem! No more pain! I thought to myself "I dislocated something and it just went back into place"! I went back to bed having to go back to work after a few days off.

The next morning I got up as usual to go to work and found once again it had moved and I was in a lot of pain and could barly walk. So this time I had my husband take me to the emergency room to see what was going on. The hospital said I had fractured my pelvis and sent me to a doctor by the hospital. That was the beginning of my nightmare.

To make a long story short...I got sent from doctor to doctor only to be told different things, none of which helped me with the malfunction and pain. Basically after six months of insurmountable medical bills and still in pain and difficulty walking I had to quit my job. A job I had been at for 18 years and only 8 from retirement. Yes I tried disability but due to the fact I couldn't get a real diagnosis from anyone I couldn't get it! Unbelievable!!

Suddenly I found my life totally different. My Independence was gone, the job I'd worked most of my life was gone, and normal day to day things became a struggle. Not to mention the economic hardship that seemed to never end from the doctors I paid that never did anything. That's a large problem with the medical community these days, they get paid whither they do anything or not! 

So began my journey of a new existance. I had to "re-create" my life. I felt helpless, some what depressed, afraid, and had no idea what to do with my days. At first I didn't do much, just focused on my hobbies that were non physical. Like crocheting, sewing. It was very hard to go to the grocery store, so most of the time I waited for my husband. Life for me had totally changed in the blink of an eye.

Fast forward 10 years......

Well I guess you could say I've given up on doctor's lol I have learned to live with my disability. We made it financially and I adjusted. I still get aggravated cos I'm so hard headed and independent...but I decided to move forward and not look backwards at something I cannot do anything about. I have focused on the farm to make money on cattle. Started a facebook account and have made friends I now play games with during the day.

I think one of the major causes of depression in folks is the "inability to accept reality and move on". But one thing for sure in life is that things are going to change as you get older and either you learn to roll with it or it will destroy you. I chose to roll haha I don't like it...but I've learned a new reality and found other things to occupy the overwhelming drive I have to "be busy", and to "be goal oriented". And it works for me. Naturally I still have some down days, especially when I am hurting more than usual. I have to go to pain management cos I hurt every day and some are worse than others. But I didn't quit living....and being thankful for the things I have left. I have found there are always other's that have it worse than you. And you "choose" your mindsets cos after all, only you are in control of that. So if you are dealing with an illness, family problems, handicap, or anything that changes life for you just remember it could always be worse and there are still many things left you can do. Happiness is a choice...choose wisely (wink wink).
Currently I can walk fine...but there is still something that causes me pain...arthritis has set in so weather changes make a difference. But other than that...all is well in my world lol